The Mechanic part 13

In the confusion, I jumped into the pool to try and separate them. Imagine two men fighting in a pool and a scared me trying to separate them. It was chaos and shouting.

‘’Stop this madness this minute and get out of my pool.’’

The voice was loud enough, authoritative and clear. I quickly got out of the pool and came face to face with their father. He was an older version of Joe, they looked so much alike yet carried different demeanor. I knew he was a man of substance by just looking at him.

The boys got out of the pool and stood cowering before their father. Their mother had also joined them,

‘’What is going on here? We have guests and this is how you behave?’’

Joe pointed at his brother, ‘’He was stealing my woman.’’

The old man looked at a mortified me, his eyes burning into my wet soul. I had to speak now to make it right,

‘’Excuse me sir, we were just talking.”

The mother walked over to me and handed me her shawl.

‘’This guy has a habit of stealing my things.’’

‘’I was just talking to Diana, nothing more.’’

I felt my heart break once more, this guy really did not trust me. I wanted to fight back the tears but had no will. I turned to Joe,

‘’Joe, it is obvious that you don’t trust me. I think coming here was a mistake.’’

I handed the shawl back to his mother and started to walk away but he ran and blocked my way.

‘’Babe please don’t go, please.’’

‘’No, I can’t stay, this is never going to work out.’’

His mother walked to me and took my hand; she led me away without saying much. We went through the back door and into what looked like a guest room. The room was bigger than my whole apartment. The King-size bed sitting in the middle had a beautiful silky bed-cover, white in color with big yellow and purple flowers. The Victorian carpet ran from wall to wall. The window had those long curtains matching with the bed cover. There were two purple love seats on one corner, a walk in closet and a full wall mirror. This was a beautiful room and the bed was alluring. I was lost in its’ beauty that I forgot I was with someone. She cleared her throat jerking me back.

‘’Here, dry yourself with this towel.’’

She handed me a white towel, walked to the seats and carefully sat down folding her arms on her lap.

‘’This is Joes’ room.’’

I turned to look at her,

‘’It is a beautiful room, you have a lovely home.’’

She smiled, her smile not quite reaching the eyes. There was a wave of sadness and disappointment. Someone knocked on the door, she got up and went to open and a minute later, she was back with a new dress. I did not want to take off my dress lest she see the marks on my back.

‘’I…i…I am just fine, this dress will dry in a few minutes, besides, I am going home.’’

She smiled and walked and stood behind me,

‘’We have a lot to talk about, the bathroom is on your left.’’

She wasn’t requesting me to change, no! She was telling me. I picked the black dress and walked into the bathroom. It was a big bathroom with a marble bathtub and a glass bathing cubicle. The walls were covered with tiles looking all natural. For a minute, I just wanted to run the water and soak my battered body but I could not. I took off my dress and quickly changed, I could not reach the zipper so I walked to her and asked her to close it for me.

‘’Did he do this to you?’’

How careless was I? I could have as well undresses in front of her.

‘’uh, you see, I…”

‘’Diana, I am asking you a question, did Joe do this to you?’’

‘’Yeah, he whipped me blue with his belt.’’

‘’I raised that boy better than this.’’

She walked to the window and drew the curtain.

‘’I don’t know where I went wrong with him. I gave him everything but for some reason, he felt threatened by his own brother. He was always competing with him.’’

‘’You did your part in raising him, how he turned out is on him.’’

‘’He didn’t want to go to University but somehow got offended when his brother excelled in his studies.’’

‘’Have you tried talking to him?’’

She took a deep breath, got up and adjusted her dress just then Joe came in,

‘’Mum, can I have a moment with Diana, please!’’

‘’No, I will not let you hurt this girl one more time.’’

‘’Mum, what are you talking about?’’

‘’I have seen the marks on her back.’’

‘’Mum please believe me, I did not mean to do that to her, I love Diana.’’

‘’You don’t hurt the people that you love Joe, not this way.’’

‘’Mum…’’

‘’Leave, go, I don’t want to see you.’’

He looked at me, then his mum and then me and walked out. This was going to be one long evening….

Diana Mosoba

The Mechanic part 12

That evening, clad in the outfit that Joe sent earlier, a black mermaid sequin dress with a cut on the front, silver accessories, nude heels and a black purse. He picked me from my house. He had a bouquet of flowers and chocolate,

”You look stunning my queen.”

”Thank you, you don’t look bad yourself.”

He was wearing black slacks, ankle length, a white shirt and black loafers. When it came to fashion, his sense was always top notch.

”My love, i have to admit to you that i have anger issues.”

He looked at me, perhaps waiting for a response. I swallowed hard and avoided lookig at him.

”Diana, i know that i have hurt you but i need you to understand me.”

”Okay.”

”Don’t do things that you know will upset me.”

i simply nodded, fought back the tears that were welling up. What was happening to me? How could he blame me? He had the audacity to hit me and now it was my fault? a couple of days ago, i could have just told him to stop the car, show him my middle finger and walk away with my dignity and head high. But now, blinded by tears, i wanted to believe that there was a good side to him. And that he will change as he had promised before.

He took my hand and kissed it, ”Please don’t cry, my mum is going to love you, that i can promise.”

I took a deep breath and adjusted my make-up.

He drove into a posh homestead in Karen, from the big black gate to the well manicured lawns and beautiful flowers, everything was magnificent and grand.

”Is this your home?”

”My parents’ home, i am yet to have mine, we will have our home soon.”

Several cars were parked across the parking lot and some on the pavement. There was some sort of event going on that Joe had not told me about.

”It seems like there is a party or something going on here.”

”My elder brother graduated with his doctorate, we are celebrating him.”

”You didn’t mention that to me.”

”Babe, i knew you would not come if i did. Come on, let us go and meet my family.

There was an elderly lady at the front door steps. She was short and well endowed, light skin complexion. She clasped her hands tightly as she waited for us. Her semblance to Joe was evident as we neared her.

Stretched my hand to greet her but instead she folded me in a tight hug.

”Joe didn’t tell me you are this gorgeous, welcome home my daughter.”

”Thank you ma’am.”

”Come on, don’t be so informal with me, just call me mum.”

She took my hand and led me into the house. It was big and simply beautiful. The interior was something out of a hollywood movie script. Breathtaking.

She took me round, introducing me to everyone, rather, showing me off like the doctorate they were celebrating. She finally left me after almost an hour and went to attend to other guests. I took a glass of wine and started walking around admiring the house in general, i found my self at the back yard. Everything here was just beautiful. The grass was well trimmed and all the flowers in their place. The air was cool. I walked towards the swimming pool and stood in awe as the setting sun reflected on the blue waters. Just then, someone cleared their throat behind me bringing to a stop my straying thoughts. I turned around and came face to face with a better looking version of Joe.

”Sorry to have startled you, my name is John.”

”Mmhhh, i, i my name is Diana.”

”Sorry to ask but are you from around here? I haven’t seen you before.”

”Oh no, i am not from here, i came with Joe.”

”Oh that is nice, he is my younger brother.”

”You are the one who graduated with a doctorate?”

”It is embarrassing that they’d hold a party for that but yes.”

”What is there to be embarrassed about?”

”For me, it is not that big of a deal.”

”What is it that you majored in?”

”Neuor-surgeon.”

He moved and stood next to me. His cologne was so masculine one could not miss it.

”Why don’t we sit over there and catch up? Tell me what Joe has been upto.”

We walked to the other side of the pool where there were garden chairs and settled down. it was like we had known each other all our lives as we talked and laughed. We did forgot to keep track of time. We were so engrossed in our talk that we did not notice him walk upto us.

”Diana.”

We both looked up to see a furious Joe. We stood up at the same time and the next thing i knew, Joe pounced on his brother and they both fell into the pool. I didn’t know if to call for help or just let them continue fighting.

Diana Mosoba

The Mechanic part 11

The following morning, i woke up earlier than usual, before Joe woke up. i took a quick shower, packed my stuff and left silently. My back was sore from the lashes but i had to pretend that i was okay. I could not risk anyone finding out that my boyfriend was beating me up.

I had just settled in the office when Joe called me,

”Babe, where are you?”

”I am in the office, why?”

”Why didn’t you wake me up? I should have dropped you like i always do.”

”Mmmmm, i had an early morning, i did not want to wake you up.”

”Babe, about yesterday…”

”I am going into the meeting, i will talk to you later.”

”Diana,”

”Yes?”

”I love you.”

People who love you don’t beat you blue. Someone who loves you does not doubt you. someone who loves you trusts your word. I could not control my tears as i looked at my back in the work bathroom mirror. There were marks from the belt across my back, a painful reminder of the horror i had faced the previous night.

When i went back to the office, my friend Carol called. She used to pass by my house in the morning when going to work but lately i was never home.

”Woman, did you get married or what?”

”Hey stranger.”

”Wait.”

”What now?”

”I know that tone, what is going on? Trouble in paradise?”

‘Uhmmm, not really, i am okay.”

”Diana?”

”I promise i am okay.”

”You know this is Carol you are talking to and i know you.”

”I will have to call you a bit later, i am going into a meeting with my boss.”

”I am coming to see you.”

She hung up before i could protest.

If Joe saw her, he might think i told her what had happened and that was going to create even more problems. The office was still pretty much empty. I called  and told her to wait for me at home because knowing her, she was not going to stop until she found out what was going on. When i got to the house, she had prepared  some breakfast. She looked at me and knew something was wrong. She poured a mug of coffee for me and sat next to me,

”What happened?”

I took off my top and showed her my back.

”Joe did this to you?”

”Yeah, yesterday night.”

”I knew that son of a bitch was too good to be true.”

”I will be okay.”

”The hell you will be okay. I will put him in his place.”

Carol is one of the most fearless women that i know. She always speaks her mind, nothing or nobody intimidates her. She was going to confront Joe and it would only make matters worse.

”Just let it go.”

”Are you kidding me? Let it go?”

”It will only make matters worse.”

She got up and paced about fists clenched tightly.

”Whatever that you are thinking about, you had better drop it.”

”Diana, that man dared hit you and you are telling me that it is okay?”

”I am just tired, could you oil my back? please?”

Just then, my phone rang, it was Joe.

”Diana, where are you? I am in your office and i am told you are not in. Are you avoiding me?”

”Joe, i will call you later, okay?”

Before he could respond, she snatched the phone from my hands.

”Like hell she will call you later.”

”Excuse me?”

”This is Carol and i have a thing or two that i want to say to you.”

”Oh, hi Carol.”

”You can keep your hi, Joe!”

”What is going on?”

”How could you hurt her like that? Have you even seen her back?”

”Carol, please believe me, i don’t know what came over me. i hate myself for hurting her.”

”Don’t call this number again.”

She hanged up, switched off my phone all together and tossed it on the couch.

She warmed some water and started massaging my back while applying some assorted essential oils. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. My heart started racing, i knew it had to be Joe. What did he want? Beat me some more? We exchanged looks, she got up and went to the door,

”Who is there?”

”It’s me Joe, please open up. I need to see her.”

”She does not want to see you, just leave her alone.”

”I am not going anywhere, you hear me?”

”What are you going to do? beat me too?”

”Please just open the door.”

He was now banging on the door, attracting a few of my neighbors who were home.

”Carol, just open the door for him, he is attracting attention.”

”And that should bother us?”

”Please, i don’t want any more drama.”

”Okay, but if he tries something funny, i will not be held responsible.”

She opened the door and folded her arms.

”You can see her from here, oh you can see her battered back from all the way there.”

He walked past her and knelt on the carpet beside me.

”Babe, tell me what to do to make it up to you.”

”I just need some time right now.”

”Babe please don’t break up with me, please don’t leave me.”

I should have left him right there and then, but for some reason i did not. He promised to change. He promised to never do it again. he even promised to start attending anger management lessons.

”How about we go see my mum this evening? Mmmmm.”

”My back still hurts pretty bad.”

”She is a nurse, she will prescribe something.’

”I am not sure about this.”

”Babe please, do this for me.”

I looked at Carol, she already knew my answer even before i said it, she rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief.

”I can’t believe you. You are better than this.”

He got up and turned to face her,

”I am sorry for hurting your friend, you have every right to be upset with me.”

”Dude, i am not upset, i am angry, i am furious.”

”And you have every right to be.”

”I see right through your bullshit but let me warn you, i am the ghettoest woman you will ever come across, do something like this and i will cut your fingers and make you a necklace to remind you.”

”Carol, believe me, i am sorry.”

”She needs to rest, it is time for you to leave.”

He resigned by slumping his shoulders, bent down and kissed my cheek,

”i will pick you up at 2, i love you.”

I wanted to tell him that i loved him too but i could not. i just nodded.

Carol closed the door and turned to me,

”Wow! You really are in love with that man!”

”Can we not talk about it?”

”Okay, i need to head to work.”

She left, i curled up on the couch and drifted to sleep.

A few hours later, a loud banging on the door woke me up. There was a delivery guy with a package for me.

Inside was a dress, a pair of shoes, a cologne, a bag and an apology card……..

 

Diana Mosoba

The Mechanic part 10

That night, I lay next to my son and cried myself to sleep. For some reason the previous nights’ events kept coming back to me. I could even feel the fresh pain of slaps. Jake could not understand what was going on with me, but he put his tiny arms around my neck and snuggled closer.

The following morning at work, I found Paul waiting for me.

‘’Hey Paul!’’

‘’I have been waiting for you.’’

‘’I am here now.’’

‘’I want to talk about what happened the other day.’’

‘’What are you talking about?’’

‘’Don’t tell me you have forgotten.’’

I knew what he wanted to talk about but I did not want to talk about it. I powered my desktop and totally ignored him.

‘’Diana, please talk to me.’’

‘’Can you get me a mug of coffee?’’

‘’Then you will tell me what is going on?’’

I smiled, ‘’yes.’’

He left and came back a few minutes later with a mug of steaming coffee, he pulled a chair and sat down.

‘’Thanks for the coffee Paul, now, if you will excuse me, I have a report to prepare.’’

‘’Really now?’’

‘’Yes, really now.’’

He shook his head, got up real slow and left. I was not going to embarrass myself by telling anyone what had happened. I immersed myself in work and totally forgot about Paul and his endless questions.

When I went down for lunch, I saw Paul talking to Joe. My heart skipped a beat. I literally started shaking. When did I become so afraid of him? I wanted to turn back and head back to my office but it was too late, he had seen me. He smiled at Paul and excused himself.

‘’Hey babe, what did Paul want?’’

‘’I don’t know, he doesn’t matter, shall we?’’

‘’Where are we going?’’

‘’To eat fish.’’

‘’Sorry babe, I can’t go far from the office today, I have a meeting at exactly 2.’’

‘’Okay, no problem.’’

‘’We can eat at our usual spot, ugali and managu.’’

‘’You sure?’’

‘’Yeah, as long as you are with me.’’

He was calm and collected like he had not spoken to Paul. Knowing Paul, he had possibly confronted him about his suspicions. We talked about my parents, my son, his siblings and his parents. He asked me to go for lunch with him at his parents’ over the weekend.

‘’Of course I’d love to meet your family.’’

‘’Perfect, I will pick you up in the evening, we are going home, right?’’

‘’Yeah, we are going home.’’

His home was now my home, I was settling right in all the while being comfortable about it.

That evening, he picked me up after work. He was unusually quiet.

‘’Babe, you are awfully quiet, is everything okay?’’

‘’Yeah, I am just a little tired.’’

‘’What did Paul want? Why was he talking to you?’’

He turned to look at me, narrowed his eyes but said nothing, I also stopped asking because it looked like I was aggravating him. When we got him, he let me go into the house first, he closed the door and turned to me. I was just taking off my dress when he grabbed my hand,

‘’You told that prick that I hit you?’’

‘’No, I did not tell him anything.’’

He took off his belt and for the next ten minutes or so, he whipped my back non- stop. I cried in pain and begged him to stop and when he finally did, he locked me inside and left.

I crawled from the floor to the bathroom, cleaned up my hurting back and crawled to bed. I cried myself to sleep yet again.

When he came back, it was way past mid-night. He woke me up in tears and begged me to forgive him, he said he did not know what happened to him. He applied assorted oils on my back as he cried begging me to forgive him. And I did, I forgave him. And we made love till the wee hours of the morning.

 

 

 

The Mechanic part 9

The following morning, i had to apply make up because i had a black eye and my left cheek was slightly swollen. Joe sat on the bed watching me intently, he was very remorseful and promised never to hit me again. He drove me to work. When my colleague Paul came to the office later, he narrowed his eyes and he leaned over my desk,

”Diana, your face is swollen, has this anything to do with your boyfriend?”

”No, i am fine.”

”Diana, tell me that idiot did not lay his hand on you.”

”I told you i am fine, if you will excuse me, i have work to do.”

”I am not leaving this office until you tell me that he did not hit you.”

Truth is, i was scared that Paul was going to confront him about it, i was also very embarrassed about the whole ordeal. I let a man hit me.

”Paul, he did not hit me.”

”Then why is your face swollen? and the black eye beneath your layers of make up?”

”What do you want?”

”I just want to know what happened?”

”Nothing happened, okay. I appreciate you being out here trying to look out for me but Paul, I don’t need you to do that. I can take care of my self, okay?”

”Diana, i…..”

”Not another word, please.”

”Oh okay, i will not talk about it.”

Just then my phone rang, i had a delivery at the reception. I asked the receptionist to send the delivery guy to  my office.

It was a bouquet of flowers, chocolates and an apology card from Joe.

I cleared my throat and looked at Paul,

”If you will excuse me, please.”

”Uh okay, lunch today? It is on me.”

”I will let you know.”

I could not look him in the eye because i was pretty vulnerable at the moment.

My phone rang as i picked up the handmade card,

”There are not enough flowers in this world that can show how sorry i truly am.”

”It is okay Joe, let us forget that the whole thing happened.”

”My queen, Diana, you are my queen and it is my duty to protect you.”

I felt a fresh wave of tears well up but i was not going to cry anymore. I fought the tears back.

”Diana, are you still on the line?”

”Yeah, i am just a little emotional right now. By the way thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”

”I know i hurt you and for that i am very sorry.”

”I will get really upset if you say sorry one more time.”

I managed a small laughter, it actually lightened my heart. Joe laughed too and at that moment i knew just how much he mean’t to me.

”I love you, Joe.”

”Diana, you said you love me.”

”yes, because i really do.”

”Wow! This has got to be the best day of my life. I love you so much babe.”

”I have to get back to work now.”

”Okay, okay, i will let you get back to work now. See you at lunch, i know just the place to take you.”

When the call disconnected, i felt a sudden wave of sadness wash over me. Something at the back of my mind that i had been burying tagged on. Joe had hit, he had no right to hit me. I should end things between us. It didn’t matter how many flowers or chocolates he sent to me. It didn’t matter how many memories he created with me. It didn’t matter how many lunches we had together or how awesome and crazy our love making was. It did’t matter that we really had a connection, something i had never experienced before. He had hit me and that was reason enough to walk out. The more i thought i thought about it, the more i was drawn to him, the more i felt attached to him. Maybe, just maybe, he was truly sorry. I had conflicting thoughts as i thought about it.

He was outside waiting for me when i went down for lunch. As usual, he opened the door for me. I saw Paul watching me from his office window and my heart skipped a bit. He knew this guy had hit me yet here i was going for lunch with him. I brushedhim off my mind and turned my concentration on the guy seated next to me.

”Your eye looks better. anybody notice at the office?”

”Yes, everyone noticed including my boss.”

”And your colleague Paul?”

”I haven’t seen him today.”

He turned to look at me, there was no anger in his eyes.

”What did you tell them?”

”Nothing, i don’t have to explain anything to anyone.”

He took a deep breath, like he had been holding it in for a minute or so.

”So, where are we going?”

”What time do you have to get back to the office?”

”By 2, i should be back but my boss is not in so i can go back at 3.”

”Perfect.”

He turned towards uhuru park to a place i had never know existed. It was a small joint just at the heart of Uhuru park. He took my hand and led me to a shade where we sat looking at the city, birds, trees, the famous dias and traffic. a beautiful scenery, fresh air and even better food, if what i was seeing was anything to go by.

”I didn’t even know this place existed.”

”Now you do.”

”I love it.”

”I knew you’d love it. Wait until you taste their fish.”

The fish was just as i had imagined it to be. Fresh and well done. I didn’t want to leave yet but i had to go back to the office. Today, i was going to see my son and my parents.

“In the evening i am going to my brothers’ place.”

”Why?”

”I need to see my son.”

”You can talk to him on phone or face call him.”

”it is not the same as seeing him, i miss him.”

”But I thought you were going to spend the whole week with me.”

”Tomorrow maybe.”

”i have an idea, i will take you to your brothers’, spend time with your son then we go home.”

He did not understand. As much as i had fallen in love with him, I needed my son. Especially now that i was feeling vulnerable. I just needed to cuddle up with him and watch funny videos on my phone, and sing daddy finger and baby shark with him. He was my therapy when I felt this way.

”Joe, as much as i would love to go home with you, i really need my son today.”

He took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute as though battling with something.

”Okay then, i will drop you.”

”My brother will pick me up on his way home.”

There was that forced smile again.

”Okay then, no problem.”

The rest of the drive back to the office was silent. None of us wanted to prode what was on the other person’s mind.

The mechanic part 8

On Wednesday evening, i had dinner with the company guests from India at Sankara, It was my boss who was supposed to accompany them but something came up and a colleague and i were told to go instead. I called Joe to let him know.

”I will come pick you up when done with your dinner.”

”No need babe, my colleague will drop me.”

He was quite for a few seconds,

”Okay, enjoy your dinner.”

”Can i bring you some food?”

”No, i will cook for myself, don’t bother.”

”Babe?”

”I don’t want you to keep your colleague waiting, have a good one.”

He was upset alright, but why? This was just dinner with our suppliers, nothing else. I shrugged it off and closed my office. My colleague and the guests were already downstairs waiting for me. We used my colleagues’ car. I swear Joe was watching me from somewhere but i did not see him. I shrugged off the feeling and got ready to have a good evening, like i always did.

Being single comes with a lot of freedom. Freedom to do whatever you want to do without having to explain to anyone or justifying yourself. But here i was, a grown ass woman with a son explaining herself to a man. I took a deep breath and pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. Sankara is just not any hotel, i had every intention of making the most out of it.

Our dinner went well. We had fun, a lot of fun talking about other stuff other than work. We ate and i had a really expensive bottle of wine all to myself. At some point we even danced to some music. It was one of those serene evenings that your soul is rewarded with good food, excellent wine and perfect music. I was going home to some loving too, what a way to end my day. I wished my Joe was there, you know, it could have been perfect, but it was not possible. However, that did not stop me from having fun.

When it was time to leave, my colleague held my hand and led me out, we were not getting cosy or anything, i was just overly tipsy. When we got to the parking lot, Joe was there. He came forward and pushed my colleague aside and protectively held my waist.

” What the hell?”

”Oh babe, you are here.”

”What is going on here?”

”Nothing, he was going to drop me home, that’s all.”

My colleague Paul stepped forward.

”Relax man, i was just going to drop her home, nothing much.”

”I haven’t spoken to you.”

”What’s your problem anyway?”

”You think i don’t see how you look at her? Pretending to buy her lunch and stuff?”

”Whoa! Diana is my colleague, chill out now.”

”You chill out, Paul.”

The two men were going at each other and if my tipsy self didn’t intervene, they were going to fight. But why was he so upset.

I turned to him, i was getting embarrassed by his behaviour.

”Babe, can we just go home, please.”

”Maybe your little colleague can drop you.”

”What’s wrong with you?”

”What’s wrong with me?”

He laughed and pulled me to his car. Good thing our guests were not here to witness this.

”Joe, i don’t like this.”

”What? I see, you’d rather Paul drives you home, right? And maybe come in for a few minutes?”

”He was going to drive me to your place.”

”Then maybe you could have done a quick one in the car.”

”How dare you?”

We were attracting a few people, he opened the door and practically put me inside. I was now sober and very upset.

”I ain’t going nowhere with your childidh ass, i am going home.”

”You are coming with me.”

He got into the car and sped off leaving Paul in a cloud of dust.

The whole ride home was full of arguments. He did not trust me at all. He had no faith in me. I had not given him any reason not to trust me.

When we got home, i refused to leave his car, i was not going to spend another minute of my time with an angry man.

He opened the door and carried me out, he flung me on his shoulder like you would a chiild. Once in the elevator, he set me down.

”I am not doing this with you, Joe, i can’t.”

He was breathing like an agitated bull, his eyes red and a few veins popping on his head. He practically dragged me from the elevator to the house.

”You don’t own me Joe, you are not my husband, I can go out with anyone that i want and i can fuck anybody that i want to.”

He took off his jacket and the next thing i felt was a hot slap on my face. I was stunned for a few seconds as the reality of what just happened hit home. A second slap and a third. I staggered back and held my hands protectively over my face. I felt tears well up, i had no will to stop them so i let them fall at will.

He walked and stopped in front of me and sank to his knees and held my legs,

”Baby i am so sorry. Forgive me for hitting you, hit me, come on babe, hit me too.”

I was too shocked to react, no man had ever hit me, not even my dad.

Joe knew my weak point. He got up and kissed my tears, i tried to push him away but it did not stop him.

He kissed my neck, and drew me closer to him, i buried my tear stained face on his chest. He raised my face with his hands, there were tears in his eyes. I don’t know if it’s the tears or the look of remorse that i saw that melted my heart.

He turned me around and made me bend over the couch. His hands cupped my boobs, i was giving in, submitting to his touch and yearning for more. He pulled over my dress, i felt his hot tears on my bare back. He dropped his pants and took me slowly, drawing me closer to him until he fully filled me. It was furious fucking for the both of us, releasing pressured moans, hard thrusts that drove it all out. I held on to the couch with my strength and might. He thrust faster and faster, sweat and tears falling on my back until we he collapsed on me, from exhaustion. We stayed there for a few minutes before he finally rolled off. I was exhausted and my face hurt.

he took my hand and led me to the carpet, we sat down our backs resting on the couch.

”I don’t know what came over me, i am really sorry for hitting you.”

I had nothing to say, i could not find the right words to say.

”Baby please say something, it will never happen again.”

I felt a fresh wave of tears and i did not hold back. I curled up, my knees to my chest and hugged myself as the tears fell. I had just fucked the man who hit me.

”Diana please, i am begging you, please forgive me. I was just so jealous.”

He knelt in front of me and wiped my tears.

”Please stop crying.”

It was more of a whisper.

”Okay, i am going to go take a shower.”

I got up and took off the remaining of my clothes and went to his bathroom. He followed me.

”Please let me shower with you.”

He was pleading and i did not have the heart to say no to him.

It had also started raining.

His bathroom was very clean, the white tiles were spotless. On the corner was a rack with a few shower gel bottles, bar soaps and a few towels.

I picked the nivea shower gel with lavender scents and poured it on his back, i opened the shower a little for the water and soap to lather.

He was facing the wall his hands spread out, i pressed my titties against his back as i moved up and down almost in rhythm with the rain as it pounded the window. I moved my soap infested hands across his chest rubbing and massaging him. I massaged him to the blood, i was almost massaging his soul. He opened the shower again and the warm water hit my back with a burning sensation.

He turned and faced me as he also poured some shower gel on me, he moved his hands spreading the gel to every part of my body. He asked me to turn as he bent on my back making me to bend as well. I was almost touching the floor when he gently slid into me from behind. He cupped my boobs as he thrust still bent on me, our bodies cling to each other as the warm water spattered on our backs. The rain drowned our loud moans as he pushed in and out holding on to my thighs tightly, he spanked, clang and thrust like his dear life depended on it. His grib tightened as he released his seed into me. I felt his member become flaccid as he pulled out and pulled me close to him standing below the shower. We let the water fall on us for a few minutes before he turned off the shower and threw me a towel as i followed him to the bedroom.

He handed me a clean t-shirt, we got into bed and fell asleep almost immediately. All the day’s worry quickly forgotten.

 

Diana Mosoba

Spear in the heart Part 2

I am woken up by noise from my door “Knock, knock, Mom open for me, Mom I want to pee in your bathroom, Moooooooom open pleeeeeeaaaase!”

“Is it morning already?” I ask myself before opening the door.

“Moooooooom opeeeeen”

“Darren wait Baba, just a minute baby I am coming”

Oh God! It is 7:30PM! I clear my room quickly as I hide the wine bottle, I brush my teeth because the first thing this boy does is hug me and chum chum on my face, ears, hair, waaaa! A real Mama’s boy. I am a bit sober, I open the door and let my only son in.

“Mom I want water”

“Aaiih! My fren si umetoka chini?”

“Yes, but I want you to give me water”

Mothers will understand this scenario. So no one could give this lil man water apart from me? Anyway, this only means I have to go to the kitchen and get water for “Mr. Kingston”. Of course he follows me.

“Mum please give me your phone, I want to play a game”

“My phone has no battery”

“It has, I have it and its not off yet”

“Poela!”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing, okay use it but don’t take too long, don’t delete my documents”

I get him water, In the kitchen I meet Myra preparing dinner while Dela is in the sitting room watching  TV. I proceed to the sitting room to join my daughter.

“Hey baby”

“Hey Mum”

“Daddy is not home yet?”

“He said he was going to see uncle Sam and drove off”

“Ooh! Okay!”

My daughter is that calm baby of the house, but very curious and inquisitive as well. Sometimes we even have talks as if we are sisters, kids of today huh? She comes close to me and asks if I want to watch another channel. I tell her it is okay, she can enjoy her program. She comes closer and starts to play with my hair as though it was a mess, she combs it nicely and she asks….

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Yes honey, why?”

“You don’t look okay, did Daddy offend you? Please forgive him. Pastor Ken said today that if someone does wrong to you, forgive them”.

“I know baby, but I am fine, Daddy is a great person he has not wronged me in any way”

Painting my husband as a bad person to my children is the last thing I can ever do. I mean, he has his faults, but he is a great dad to my babies, even if I was to leave this house today, he wont let me go with his kids. Ben is a good Father, reason why I have always fallen in love with him every day of my 8 years since I met him.

“Okay Mom, but remember to  buy me the skate shoes you promised me”.

“Deal”.

Food is ready, my daughter’s favourite, rice with french beans. I eat with my children but I am not at peace. My heart is pumping as though I was Kipchoge after INEOS 1:59. No appetite but my children can not eat if I am not eating, so I have to force myself. Mothers, you know what I mean?

Myra asks if I need anything, I say no, she goes to her bedroom. I am here with my babies, the reason why I am alive, my whole world revolves around them, I don’t want to disappoint them, I don’t want them to suffer for their father’s mistakes. I am scared I might loose my family, my happiness because of TRM and Ben. God please help me, give me strength to walk this rough path. I need wisdom to work on this. But God Why? Why me? I am not ready to be a single mother because I am not as that strong, my children and my husband can’t be separated. Why me God?

Anyway, We are done with dinner, I clear the table and take my kids to bed. As usual Darren sleeps in my bed before I carry him to his bedroom. This is my Boy!

I go to the balcony  to have a talk with the stars and the moon, I have so many questions. Should I call his mother? No way, she will take his side. My husband happens to be the last born and just like Darren, he is his Mama’s boy. I wont risk.  This is my marriage, I have to solve this, but still I need to talk to someone.

I rush to the girls whatsapp group called “My Mother’s Girls”. I type…

“Hey girls, are you asleep?”

Marble: Hey girl, what’s up? You good?

Me: “Yep, just something is eating my head up”

Rose: “Hey girl, you have been silent the whole day kwani umezaa? Hehehe”.

Me: “Idiot, nimezaa maembe?”

Clare: “Ladies I feel like going out! Baba Prince is in Naivasha na he is not coming back, I am bored like shit”

Marble: “Wee kwani hauna malazi? My fren lalisha haga”

Me: “Hahahaha Marble thank you….. but I think Clare is right, where is Jacqiy our designated chauffeur?  Trust me I don’t want to drive right now, I want to drink and dance”

Rose: “Eeeeih Mrs. Benito come slowly, are you still pregnant?”

Me: “Sharaaaaap woman, just come pick me, nipate kwa gate”

Marble: “ I was with Jacqiy in church and she said she was to fly to Mombasa because hubby is already there, so I am not sure she is around”

Me: “Waaaa, ebu tell her to come online”

Clare: “Yaaaaaaaaaay let me shower asap, see you girls. I hope we are going to Laico”

Me: “Burrofcos”

Marble: Hehehee enyewe mumeboeka, sorry girls I won’t make it, Bae is around.

Rose: “Okay Doreen, in a few, Marble you are joking, see you”

Jacqiy: “Basie kuyoka kwa si?” (What is the noise for?)

Me: “Hey bestie, we are going out and you can’t say no because you are in the country. See you there, Laico Regency. Keep time.

Jacqiy: “Waaa baby girl, I am in bed, already in my PJ’s”

Me: “Do we look like we care? Woman, see you at Laico, hiyo ingine ni yako”

Jacqiy and Marble insist that they wont come, but I burst the bubble

“Ladies, Ben is having an affair, and maybe, just maybe, he has a son with this bitch”

Jacqiy: “What? Baby are you okay? Leaving the house in a few, see you baby girl”

Rose: “Oooh Noo! Not Ben! Girl you need a drink, a strong one”

Clare: “What the Eff? Are you serious? How did you find out?”

Me: “His phone”

Marble: “Now this is serious, I am coming, hata sitaoga, wacha tu nicome”

Rose: “Girls, let’s not go to Laico tonight, lets go to Dee’s house, she needs us”

They all agree to come over. These girls are like my sisters, we laugh and cry together. When I met my husband they interviewed him, funny right? Yes, they asked him so many questions and gave him warnings not to hurt me because I am their last born, they call me “Baby of the Group” I love them so much.

Rose came in first because she stays near. I am at the balcony still, crying my heart out with a glass of wine and a packet of serviettes. She walks in and starts to look for me, “I am here, kwa balcony yangu”.

She sees me, hugs me tight, by now I am literally sobbing, my eyes are red, mucus coming out, I let out a big cry as she tries to cover my mouth with her hand, “Babes the kids’ bedrooms are just here, sorry girl”. I walk to the other side of the balcony. Rose is watching me as tears roll down her cheeks too. This one helps in crying. Instead of her being strong for you, pia analia.

My three girls walk in together, Rose texts them that we are upstairs. They all hug me while asking so many questions at ago.

“He cheated on me, and maybe he is with her right now. See, it’s 10PM and son of a woman is not here yet. See, she is in his arms right now, I hate him, so much”

“Noo, don’t say that dear, maybe he is out with friends”.

“Did you ask him about this?

“No, why would I? I will only feel stupid in his eyes and of course he will deny, you know men”.

“No no no you should have asked him” insists Marble.

“True baby” Jacqiy adds.

“I am tired, I am really tired, I WANT OUT!”

“Mmmh Nooooo we ain’t going there, no you are not” says clare.

The girls discourage me from moving out. “Are you people even my friends? Nkt! I am leaving!”

From the Balcony we can see his car comes in the gate, Ben parks his car but doesn’t come out, maybe because he can see my friend’s vehicles and he knows Kamati are ready to eat his sorry ass. 30 minutes are gone but boychild ain’t coming out of his damn car.

Marble, who keeps defending him goes to the car, they have a chat then boom! Mr. Man is out, drunk! We are all at the sitting room waiting as though he was a locust awaited by the government. He says hi and asks to speak to me, in private!

“No, if you want to speak to me do it right here”

“Babe please”

“Again, don’t babe me, I am not Madam TRM, the Newest bride in town, madam boss herself! The best thing that ever happened to you, Mrs. World Kenya, the only “sweet” woman that has ever ‘gone down’ on you, because maybe your pathetic black wife here only does missionary!” I am tossing my glass of wine as I walk around my sitting roon throwing words at Ben. “I hope while dickmatizing her, you use protection because I am not ready to die of HIV. Trust me that woman is not screwing only you, she looks like a hoe who just wants financial support from already established men, and baby boy, you are just one of them”

The shock on my hubby’s face!!!! Wueh! Guilty as charged! Boy is confused, his eyes turn around like a lizard, his hand that was almost holding mine starts to shake, his lips tremble in fear. I can see my husband reduced to a 5 year old boy, he can’t even look me in the eyes and say it’s not true. He wishes he never came home, in front of my besties, what a shame!!

“If you don’t tell me who that bitch is, boy, I gat your balls in my hand and I’m gonna squeeze them right now”

Rose: “Ladies, can we go to the kitchen please, I need coffee”

Jacqiy : “Yep, I am not ready to see balls being squeezed”

Marble and Clare too agree, and they leave for the kitchen.

“Dee don’t kill him ooh!” shouts Marble. I have a bunch of idiots for friends right?

“Now, can you talk?”

Hubby: “In our bedroom”

He leaves, I follow him. My mind is racing, should I just pack and leave this idiot of a man or what?

We are in the bedroom.

“Babe I can explain”

“Explain what? Ben”

“That girl is not what you think she is”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“She is not my girlfriend”

“Oh, she graduated to be your Baby Mama, donge?”

“The hell”

“Ooh right, there will be hell in this room if you don’t explain your damn ass, Ben don’t waste my time baby boy, I need a drink.

Talk!”

“Babe, it is not what you think, she is just a friend”

“There we go again, bla bla bla! Don’t give that BS, just tell me, I am ready to hear everything, or you want me to wake your kids up to see the kind of bullshit their father has become? Oh Yeah I can bring them uwaambie venye wewe ni jogoo, unawika nyumbani, unawika nje”

“Don’t you include my children in this…… that girl is just a friend, and No, her child is not mine.”

By now I am boiling, what the hell! This man thinks I was born yesterday or what? What kind of nonsense is this? I am not doing this.

“Look Ben, I won’t waste your time here, let’s talk when you are ready”.  I leave

Opening my bedroom door, I hear people running downstairs, okay, wait! Where did I meet these cartoons and became their friend? I also don’t know! So they had been listening to our conversations? What if my hubby made me “weak” they could have heard us “doing it?” Lol!

Reaching the kitchen, Clare, as usual eating an apple. Starts with the question.

“Tell us, what did he say”

“Why are you asking and you heard everything?”

“Aaaih who? We were here in the kitchen, hata hatujaskia anything” they say in unison.

Marble: “Why didn’t you listen to him, at least he said she is just a friend, daaah!”

“How did you know he said that?”

Marble: “I guessed, that’s what every man says, right girls”

“Yeeaah” they agreed.

Rose: “That man needs some beating, lakini hata wewe, unataka kuamsha watoto juu ya?”

“Again, how did you know that? Nkt! Nitawafukuza muende kwenu”

“Oohhn Nooo unleash the tea girl, we are listening” Jacqiy reiterated.

I explained to them even though I knew they had heard everything.

We talked about life our children, our ups and downs in our marriages, businesses, school, chamas, finances etc, how to deal with the Makodofias in our husband’s lives etc. Then boom! Ben comes in the kitchen to get his beer from the fridge.

Marble: “But Ben you are a good man, why did you do it? You even have a kid with him?”

Hubby: “ I don’t have child with any other woman other than my wife, but she doesn’t want to listen to me, what should I do?”

Me: “Fuck you”

Hubby: “You see the way she talks to me? In front of you ladies?”

Me: “Damn you! I don’t care. The moment you undressed in front of another woman, I have no respect for you buddy.”

Hubby: “Okay, can I call her right now so you believe me?”

Women, when a man dares you with this, he always know that you will refuse to call his bitch. So, my sister, play to his tune, say Yes!

Me: “Yes!”

Hubby: “What?”

Me: “Your words, not mine, call your baby mama right now.”

Hubby: “Babe are you sure? It’s late. And she is not my baby mama”

Girls: “Yes, call her”

Father to my children could not escape this, I had cornered him already. He is taking time though, so I do the necessary, I pick his phone which was at the dining, charging and dial her number, “Calling TRM”. I put the call on Loud Speaker, the girls are alert, the adrenaline? The headache? My hands are sweating, My stomach is rumbling, I think I need to use the washroom but no, I can do number 2 right here right now, this is my house, I will clean the mess, Dah! Hubby is pretending to be okay but I know deep down he is shaking like a leaf. Pressure ikanipanda aki, call goes unanswered. Daaaaamn!!!

Clare insists that we call again, hubby is reluctant and says, “I told you that is someone’s wife and they are asleep, mnawasumbua tu”.

I give him that sharp look, I dial the number again…….

She picks the call!

Doreen Shikuku

Spear in the heart

It is on a Sunday afternoon at a round 3:32 PM, I am in house lazing around, walking from room to room just to make sure everything is in place, preparing the uniforms and arranging my God Ordained Matrimonial Bedroom. My son Darren, 4 years, is on the balcony with his dad, My Beloved Husband, the man that God kept for me, enjoying the view. My daughter Delance, 7 years,  is in the kitchen with our Domestic Manager Myra making some lemon pancakes and 4 ’O’clock tea. That’s what I am craving because mmmmhhh……. Oh yeah, you guessed right, I am pregnant, 3 months…. Hey, don’t give me that look, I do what made me leave my father’s house.

Tea is served.

Me: “Honey, tea is ready.”

Hubby: “Okay babe, coming…..”

Me: “Dela, get me some ginger from the kitchen please….”

Dela goes to the kitchen and brings me my favourite Tropical Heat  Ginger….. Darren on his dad’s laps, driving his favourite toy car as his father sips some hot masala tea. I remember that I left my bedroom’s lights on so I walk upstairs, get in my bedroom and switch off the lights. I realize there is a phone vibrating from my coffee table (I sometimes eat from my bedroom so I have a very beautiful coffee table, a gift from my mother-in-law on our wedding day). Kuna kale kashetani kanakuambianga “Shika hiyo simu” but your mother warned you about hubby’s phone. But this Kashetani wins in most cases. I take the phone, “TRM Calling”… What? Who is this TRM?  Thika Road Mall, Two Rivers Mall? Tuna Rarua Mali? ….or what? Any who, I decide to pick.

Me: (Silent on phone)

TRM: “Hello, babe mbona hushiki simu zangu tangu juzi?”

Ati Babe? Is this a wrong number? I keep my cool, but the devil in me is awake… I am Shocked! My Blood Pressure shoots…

TRM: Now you are quiet huh? I don’t like the way you are treating me Ben, it’s not fair, you promised to send money for tuition and you don’t pick calls, when you pick hauongei, I don’t like it ooh!

Shaking, sweating, almost bursting in flames, I hang up, sit on my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks, wondering what was happening to me. So many things going through my mind, but I have to stay sober. Every woman knows that once you see this kinda red light, you need more evidence, and they will agree with me that we go though messages, whatsapp, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram etc.. This needs not more than 5 minutes, that’s if you are a real African woman. You know what I mean? Anyway, I get the evidence from whatsapp chats, but men really need that conference happening on February 14. I mean, how do you keep messages of how you had a good time in her bed? Ouch!

The thought of another woman being grinded the way I am grinded by the same bull breaks me, completely! My Man is My Man, he can’t be holding another woman. I am hurt!

Anyway, I am through, of-cause I get the number saved on my phone then I delete it from the received call-log on his phone.

Dela comes in my bedroom…

Dela: “Mommy, Daddy says you should come down.”

Me: “Which Daddy?”

Dela: (Shocked) “Moooom!”

Me: “Uh! Sorry baby, I am right behind you.”

Hubby: “Honey your tea is getting cold, are you okay?”

In my mind I am asking myself “Is this the man I married? Is he just asking if I am okay? How am I supposed to be okay when TRM is in the picture? Is this man for real?”

Me: “I am fine. I lost my appetite. Tea? No thank you. Myra get me some ice cream from the freezer.”

My DM brings ice cream, of course Darren must enjoy it with me. I hold my son, he happens to be his father’s exact replica, I look straight into his eyes and say “Mahn! You have failed me today”. My son looks at me in shock and says “Me?, Mommy I just want a little ice cream, I don’t want too much because I will get sick”. I remember I was directing my anger to a small version Ben. “I am sorry baby,  I was day dreaming, did you finish your homework? Tomorrow is school day” “I did, Daddy helped me with colouring.”  “Oh, okay, I see, perfect! You have a good Father”…. by this time Hubby is looking at me, I guess he knows me so much, 8 years of being married, he knows when something is not right.

Hubby: “Honey we need to talk, in our bedroom, please.”

“About what”

“In the bedroom please, Myra, come pick the kids and take them out, find something to do, ride bikes or whatever…”

“Ben….”

“What did you just call me?”

“Isn’t  that your name”

“Let’s not do this babe, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“I know you honey, 10 years of knowing you, you are not okay, would you please talk”

“I said I am fine”

“Look, we need to  solve this right now or else…”

“Or else what???”

“Babe”

“Ooh please, jut leave me alone.”

I walk away from my husband, something I have not done for years, straight in my bedroom as he follows me.

Tears starts dropping, I can’t hold it any more, he hugs me and apologizes for whatever he had done to hurt me, he knows my weakness, his masculine hands works magic on me, I am almost calming down but I am totally confused. He kisses me on my neck as he whispers sweet nothings, again I am weak, he says how I am his whole world, how the kids and me are all he has and he is not ready to watch his family break. Women, you can feel me, right? I am almost responding with kisses, I am weak, this fool knows my weakness and he is taking advantage, but my mind bounces back…..

“Don’t touch me Ben, don’t you ever, eeevvveeerrr touch me again”

“Babe”

“Don’t call me that shit, I need to take a nap, I am tired, now, you either walk your sorry ass out of my bedroom or I do”

“I am not going anywhere”

“Ooh Yeah….. okay…… fine….. I will”

“Oookay okay okay okay fine, I will leave, but…”

“But nothing, just leave”

Mr. Man picks his car keys and his damn-ugly phone and leaves, I lock the door from inside. I am shattered, what is happening to my marriage? Is this the man that I married through a church wedding? So it’s true, Marriage is a big scam? What about my children, will they be affected by this? Ooh God I don’t want my children to grow up without their father, Dela is her daddy’s girl, she is so connected to her father. Again I am pregnant! Ben is a great father, but what about me, his wife? I am confused.  I am scared, really scared. But he cheated on me? Why? What had I not done for him? I had played my wifely duties, I had given him adorable kids, I had watched him transform from a hustler to who he is right now. Is it my fault? Just what does “TRM” have that I don’t? A nice figure? But I am like this because I bore him children, and another one is on the way….. Oh God I need to fix this, but I have to teach him a lesson, bure atanizoea.

As usual I have to inform the Kamati. But no, I am not going to call my mentor Norich Shitubi, I know what she will say “Ma’am please be calm, pray, pray, pray and make him want you more that he needs her, make your home comfortable for him bla bla bla” Oooh no, I am not going to pray for anyone’s son, I have my own children to pray for. Kila mtu aombewe na mama yake.

Can I call Martha, this one is crazy, she will ask me to go out and have a drink, I am pregnant for Christ’s sake. No I won’t call her.

I call my mum,

“Mum sasa”

“Poa sana, habari ya wajukuu na mzee”

“Wako poa, nataka kukuambia kitu”

“Kuna shida? Niambie Mum”

“Mum Ben is cheating on me”

“What? How did you know?”

“Really Mum? I just found out”

I don’t want to tell her that I went through his phone because she had warned me.

“How did you find out your husband was having an affair?”

“She called him and I picked”

“You see, you were looking for trouble, and you found trouble”

Hata hunisaidii Mami, will call you later, bye”

I hang up.

What should I do now? Should I call this b*ich and let her know that I know about her escapades with the father of my children? Hell No. That will be lowering myself to her level. Because I have saved her number as “Makodofia”, probably I could see her whatsapp photo, just to see who my husband is screwing. I go straight to whatsapp, she has a kid as a profile picture. From far I can see what I thought I will never see in my life. I guess I need spectacles and a glass of wine. I walk to the bar, no wine. I open the bedroom door, go straight to the kitchen, take my Baileys Irish Cream and go back to my bedroom. Put my glasses on, I put up some music, I select “Rolling in the deep” by Adele, a song for the broken hearts.

The lyrics,

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love they leave me breathless, I can’t help feeling
We could have had it all (you’re gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep (tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand (you’re gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat (tears…

I then go straight to TRM’s whatsapp profile photo.

I zoom in the image, I see a boy who kinda looks like my own son. These idiots have a son together? Damn you Ben, damn you Makodofia.

I sip my Baileys but this time round it tastes like urine. But still I gulp the whole bottle, to the last drop!

I am doomed!!

Doreen Shikuku

The Mechanic Part 7

It was already dark when we woke up. Joe got up and put on his boxers. He tossed me a black t-shirt,

”Can i fix you coffee?”

”I will appreciate.”

He went to the kitchen, i could see his back as i lay on his bed. He made two mugs of coffee and added tots of whisky in each. He handed me my coffee and the remote.

”Let me fix something to eat real quick.”

”I will brush my teeth real quick too.”

He raised his brow, i shrugged and took out my toothbrush and disappeared into his bathroom. When i came back, he looked at me and quickly set his mug down. He walked to me like he was seeing something unbelievable, a smudge of toothpaste was on the t-shirt, i had not even noticed.

”What the fuck Diana!”

”What did i do?”

”You just spoilt my tee.”

”What?”

I looked at the smudge,

”This is just toothpaste, i will clean it.”

”This is not just any t-shirt, this is Versace, do you know how much it cost me?”

”You gave it to me, you should have considered the price.”

He grit his teeth and curled up his fists.

”It is just a t-shirt, why are you so worked up?”

”Didn’t you hear what i just said?”

He was really mad and i just didn’t understand why.

”Joe, i think you are overreacting.”

”I am overreacting?”

He picked a glass that was on the TV stand and smashed it against the wall. I was visibly shaken, i did not expect this from him. I took off the t-shirt and shoved it into my bag. I reached for my bra and dress and started dressing up.

”You know what Joe, I am sorry i ruined your expensive t-shirt, i will order a new one for you first thing in the morning.”

”What are you doing?”

”Dressing up because i am going home.”

”Babe no, I did not mean to shout at you.”

”You are upset, I think it is best if i leave.”

He took a deep breath and walked over to me. He took my hands into his and looked me in the eye,

”I had a nasty argument with my dad and i am sorry for taking it out on you.”

”Joe, i……”

”I know, i feel terrible about this. Babe please forgive me.”

”Sorry i ruined your t-shirt.”

”It’s just a t-shirt. Have you forgiven me?”

”Yeah, there is really nothing to forgive.”

He bent down and kissed me,

”I am going to cook, i will be back shortly. I love you.”

That night, i should have picked out his trait. Joe had anger issues. The signs were there but i chose to ignore them. I could have walked out but i did not. Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

”So your folks, where are they staying?”

”In Syokimau with my brother.”

”Oh nice. They will have Jake for a week?”

”Yeah, a whole week.”

”You can stay here for that week.”

”I won’t be too much in your space?”

”Come on, i love having you around.”

”I will have to go see them tomorrow though.”

He was silent for a minute.

”Are you sure you are not mad at me?”

I turned to him and kissed him.

”No, i am not, i can’t be mad at you for long.”

He leaned in for another kiss, this time he did not stop. We made love on his couch. We drank more coffee with whisky and made love again and again until we blacked out.

When i woke up, it was already 7. I had a terrible hangover and a throbbing headache. I was going to be late for my meeting. I sent my boss a text and told him i was going to be late. I just really wanted to go back to sleep but i could not miss this particular meeting.

Several mugs of coffee and lemon water later, Joe drove me to the office. There was no traffic and in half an hour, i was in the office.

”Diana, you look terrible.”

”Sir, I don’t feel too good, I think i am going down with malaria.”

”You could have said so in the morning, You should go to the hospital.”

”Okay.”

I took the day off and went to my brothers’ house and slept the day away.

In the evening Joe came to pick me. There was too much traffic on Mombasa road.

”Maybe for today we can eat out.”

”Okay.”

”We can go to South C and have some really nice biryani, i know a place.”

”Sure.”

He turned to look at me,

”Whats’ with the one word answers?”

”What?”

”You are responding to me with one word, Diana are you upset about something?”

”No i am not. Are you trying to pick another fight?”

”Wow! So you are still mad about yesterday.”

”Joe, i am not mad about yesterday, can we move on already?”

”Fine.”

The rest of the drive to the swahili dishes in South C was silent, almost too silent. Even his stereo was off.

I had been single for too long, i had forgotten what relationships look like. Was i really ready for one?

”I don’t like fighting with you Joe.”

”Me neither.”

”Can we make a deal that we will not fight anymore?”

”Deal, my queen.”

After dinner, he got me flowers, chocolates, a bottle of wine and an apology card. Maybe we still had a chance if i overlooked the small things.

 

Diana Mosoba

On My Death Bed

What if?

What if you woke up one day and you are gone to the LAND OF NO RETURN?

How will people mourn your demise?

It’s probably a chilly morning when everybody is busy, save for the lazy lot that are still fighting with their alarms, or those on their Annual Leave, or maybe on their Honey Moon, my step-mum is heading to the village to work on the farm, most of my friends here in Nairobi are heading to work, others are going back home after a night shift, then Boom! I gasp my last breathe. News spreads on social Media, “Doreen is No More”.

I will be strategically watching each and every person that I have interacted with while still alive, those we have crossed paths will also me watched, because I wouldn’t want to go to hell because I was holding grudges with people.

My Step Mum back in the village will not see the news of her daughter’s demise on social media because she is only on whatsapp and she checks her whatsapp status after weeks. This happens when I update crazy things probably to do with sex and all that, this is the time she views, damn me! Her phone will ring, she checks…. Baby Sharon calling…… that’s how she has saved my baby sister. She starts lamenting “Mimi sina pesa huyu mtoto anataka kunisumbua sahi” she picks….

Sharon: “Hello Mum..”

Mum: “Hello Sharon, habari ya Nairobi?”

Sharon: (Really trying to control herself) “Poa, but uko na nani hapo?”

Mum: “Niko na baba yako Khaemba, tuna panda njugu”

Sharon: (Almost loosing it, clearing her nose and throat) “Mum, kuna kitu nataka kukushow, please take heart.”

Mum: “Take heart for what? What is wrong? Is everything okay?”

Sharon: “Mum Dee ametuacha.”

Mum: “Dee mgani? Ati? Will you please elaborate? What are you saying?”

Sharon: (She can’t hold it any more, starts to wail) “Mum, Doreen ametuacha, she is no more.”

Mu: “What??????????”

Mum Literally falls in the shamba, my uncle Khaemba not knowing what is happening, he runs and picks the call and asks my sister who was still on phone but wailing. My sister breaks the news to him as well. Ooh Uncle! His world is shattered! Literally!

The whole village is notified. Even though I rarely go to village, I am known, sign! Maybe because I have been on their TV screens and on radio, or maybe because of the way I interact with them when I am home.

Oh My! The village is at a stand still, “What happened to Doreen? She was such a jovial girl. Her late father and mother have not even rested well, their daughter has followed them as well. What is life?” they will ask.

My Sister Brenda, the one we call Simakulu, if she had killed my mother during her birth, then I wouldn’t have been born. We were only two from our mother’s womb, you can imagine what this girl is going through after hearing of my demise. I love you Big Sis, Strong Manze, Strong!

On the other hand, my friends! Oh My friends! My Oh My! My spirit will lead me to facebook, read post after post, “RIP Doreen”, others who never even commented on my posts will write paragraphs on my timeline. Others will be too lazy to write and end up with “RIP”. Others who are not my friends will click on my name and go through my timeline like their lives depend on it. They will check if I had shown any sign of leaving this world. They will pity my child for being left and wonder who will take up the role of raising her. They will leave their condolences messages there!

My close friends will not even have time and energy to write anything on my Timeline. I can imagine Jacqyi Bwayo, you know those friends who can wail, just once then pose, think, then give another big wail, that’s her. I call her my sister. Another one is Clare, this one doesn’t know how to control herself, mbele tu ya watu. She will do what we call ‘Khukwa kiminyikha’ in Bukusu, meaning, falling aimlessly. Marble, Oh Marble! I have no words baby girl. I can only imagine your sad face. Tears rolling down your face. No one to hold your hand because here, God is for you all, everybody for themselves. Rose, my chubby girl. This one cries even in joy. Rose is that girl who can laugh while tears rolling down her chubby cheeks. Imagine what happens when she cries in sadness? My dear Rose, you will be heartbroken, asking God why? How? Putting your hands on your head as you wail around your specious home in the leafy suburbs of Karen. You will call my name but I will be gone. I will be dead! Sorry girls.

Pamela Muthami, it is rare to see this one shedding tears. Is she a hardcore? Maybe, just maybe. First of all she will make several calls to reach my child, she will then ask her husband, Ceph to go and pick my baby to her house. She will then liaise with Respah, Ruth, Diana and Pam Chila, meet up in one of their houses, walie hadi wapoe. But I will be gone ladies. So sad!

Diana Makokha will be at work, she does a morning show on a Sulwe FM. Girl you won’t concentrate, you will forget the rules of radio. You will keep playing music, jingles and adverts  just to avoid wailing while ON AIR. You will play worship songs as tears roll down your slightly red cheeks. You will speak little, just to let your Boss S. K. Macharia know that you are not asleep while at work. You will probably run to Citizen studios to let Jeridah know of my demise. Jeridah is a drama-queen, a big one. This one won’t hold it! Sorry girls, I will be gone to be with our maker.

Nekesa, the girl who fights with my child but best of friends. How she interacts with her is out of this world. You would think they are age-mates. She will be confused, wondering how her friend left without a goodbye. She will cry, throwing herself up and down until her boss gets her an uber to just go home…. Poor girl, you won’t come to Thika Road any more, to see who? Doreen is gone, Forever! She will liaise with Tinah who will be in Bungoma, with red eyes, heading to Kimilili to my home, just to be with my step mum. Poor girl will cover her head with her hands, imagining of the years we have been friends, more that 10 years. Right baby girl? Yeah….. I am sorry dear, it is God’s work.

Morning will be long, nothing moving in my beloved lives. All of them will stare at each other wondering what to do next. They will ask questions that can only be answered by me, but I am not here, I can’t speak or even give a sign. I am gone, forever!

My employer, Hi Sir! My colleagues, they are used to a smiley-melanin woman who laughs with those who love her. They can’t imagine they wont see me again. No one to make noise and run around especially during lunch hours (Food is my husband). They will miss my stories. They will miss someone to tease, Oh my second family. It was not my choice, but nature’s! Please Forgive me!

Plans are made here and there and burial day is here.

My Child, My only Treasure, Jewel of the Nile, My Painkiller, My Moderator, My Listener, My headache, My BBI, Viva! Ooh Baby it is a sad day, maybe you are aware of what death means, maybe not. Most of my friends are crying because of you, not me, they can’t imagine how you are going to adjust in this cruel world without me, your Mama. Who will play with you when you come back from school? Only mama knows how to make you eat well and do your homework on time? I will miss such moments baby. Who will hold you tight at night when you have nightmares? Who will look straight into your small eyes and tell you “I Love you Nafula, my Mother”? Who??? As they say, uchungu wa mwana aujuaye ni mzazi…. Baby girl, even me I am not okay thinking of how this world is so full of bad things. You need my protection honey, but my hands are tied. I am a spirit right now. As you look at everyone around you, they are all crying and showing you sad faces, as always, you start crying “I want my mum”. From the gate, you can spot your paternal uncle, Moses (Bless you) he comes straight to where you are, picks you up and leaves. You start asking him “Uncle umeniletea nini?’ Confused, he replies “Tamu mingi sana” He takes you to his car, tries to play with you just to distract you. He gives you a bar of chocolate. You floss from the car window to people staring at you. Some will even break down, some will want to pick you but you will refuse to leave your uncle. Some will try and have a chit chat with you but you will look at them and wonder why is everyone giving you too much attention. Then you will remember how you have not been with your mama. She has been lying in a box from days, why is she not waking up, you even keep few peaces of chocolates for her saying, “Hii ni ya Mum”.

Dressed in a black ballerina dress, my daughter walks from her uncle’s car to go look for my sisters, Sharon and Brenda. She finds them in the house, sitting next to my coffin, crying. She walks straight to Brenda and ask “Aunty Brenda nani amekuchapa?” By now Brenda is loosing it. She screams out loud and makes you wonder what is happening. You start to scream as well as you walk to where I am lying. You touch my soft face, try to open my eyes the way you do after a Sundays afternoon nap, “Mum huamki? Nakuwacha Mum, ona, bye…. bye Mum” you then realize that I am not reacting to your trick. You walk back and tap on my chest, no reaction, you raise your head to look at everyone around. Why are they all awake, surrounding my Mum with tears rolling down their cheeks and she is not awake? What is wrong with her? Is she sick? Your uncle Shaddy picks you up and leaves. My Child, I am sorry but it was my time to leave. I will miss you the same way you gonna miss me. I love you!

Friends and family walk in, one by one, others in groups, my aunties wailing as they run around the house. You see, in my motherland, this is the real mourning, not wiping tears with a white handkerchief as you wear back your shades. Here we scream, run around the compound. Go near the kitchen, wipe your tears as you slow down the wailing and check if there is tea. If there is tea, increase the volume so that you might be served in a big cup called Lisubila. If there isn’t, my sister, wipe your tears, walk to the coffin tent, view the body, say a word of prayer and proceed to the tent.

The program is going on, my friends are given time to give their speeches, some will not manage to finish because hey yoh, I have a bunch of cry babies as friends, but I love them all. I will be watching them, saying how they met me and all that. I will want to hug them but I can’t. I will give a miss, being a spirit if F*ck, right? My grandma will try speaking Kiswahili but she will unknowingly get back to Bukusu. My old lady will wonder why God did not take her instead. She will praise me, she will even lie that I picked all her calls during end month when her back and knees ache most, LOL!

My Siblings, apart from those who have being raised in our home, the ones people know. My Daddy is an African Man abeg! Daddy played away matches. We are a number…… They will all speak, I love my father’s kids, my blood!

As Mum’s Church members escort her to the stage to give her last respect, she breaks down, she remembers how she has taken care of me ever since my Mother rested. Even though I gave  her headache with some boy from Kamusinga, she admits to still love me as her own. She is held by Mama Kanisa while the Deacons’ wife wipes her cheeks with a white handkerchief. Her sisters will keep telling her “It is well Martha, take heart” but I will be gone. Leaving her with another burden of raising my daughter. As a widow, It is going to be tough. But I will be there to watch over you Mommy. It is well, please take good care of my baby.

After the Church Service, as some of the villagers fight for food in the kitchen, mothers serving for their children and  husbands, my boda-boda friends cursing the store man for not giving them Soda…..

I am being escorted to the grave, my last home….

As you walk down slowly, singing “Chakutumaini Sina”, it’s a sombre mood.

As my baby is carried by my sister, everyone is looking at her. She gives them that priceless smile, she has no idea that she will never see me again.

She later realizes that I am being surrounded by people, near a hole, My Last Home!

After short prayer, I am slowly descended in a grave, my child screams out loud which leaves my friends with no choice but to break down. She wonders why Mama is put in a whole.

It is sad, I know, but what to do! I have to be laid to rest. Forever!

I can hear kuduu kuduu on my coffin, ooh God they are really burying me. I will never be above the soil, never to see my child. Never to laugh with my buddies. Never to eat chicken in my Mum’s kitchen during December Holidays. Wee wacheni jokes!

I am gone, Forever!

But my spirit is still hovering around. People are served food, Nairobians enter their cars and leave for the nearby club just to refresh as they prepare to travel the next day because they were only given one day leave. So they are needed at the office on Monday after Saturday burial. I love you my people! Thank you for giving me such a beautiful SEND OFF!

TELL MY DAUGHTER THAT I LOVE HER, SO MUCH, AND I AM HERE, ALWAYS WATCHING OVER HER!

Doreen Shikuku