Me: (My heart pumping as fast as possible, I can’t even breathe well, Marble is making gestures that I should play it cool, Clare is standing next to me almost opening her mouth with insults, Jacqiy is holding her bottle of warm water, looking at Ben as though he had killed someone. Marble is standing next to Ben murmuring while Ben is tossing his bear in one hand while the other one in his pocket, eating his lips and raising his eyebrows as though he is not shocked. Rose is a bit tipsy, walking around my kitchen, her hands on her waist as she rolls her eyes)
Me: (Composed) Hellooo
TRM: (I guess she is shocked to hear a woman’s voice) “Who is this?”
Me: “This is Doreen, Ben’s wife”
TRM: “Mmh! Sema”
Me: “Sorry, I know its late but…….”
Jacqiy: (In a low tone) “The hell…!!!!”
Marble: “Shhhhhhhut it Jacqiy”
Me: “Mmmh yeah it’s a bit late, but I wanna know something from you”
TRM: “Okay, shoot”.
Me: (Confused, shaking, sweating, wondering why I am having this damn convo with my husband’s side dish, but Marble tries to calm me down with gestures, I breathe in and out I am good, really? Let’s see)
“Are you and my husband mmmmmmh you know…… doing what you are not supposed to do?”
Clare: “Dee, what the hell is wrong with you woman? Unabembeleza hii Makodofia?”
Rose: “Give this that damn phone I deal with this bitch.”
(Ben walks out, heads to the dining table, but because I want him to listen and see how he reacts to this,I follow him, the battalion a.k.a Kamati, as usual, follow us.)
TRM: “Mhhh.. What did Ben tell you?”
Me: “Nothing really, eeemmmhh……”
TRM: “Then there in nothing, and don’t call me again please, I had a long day, not ready to deal with this right now” (Hangs up)
Ben: “Can I go now? I have a long day tomorrow, and all this drama is not helping, give me my phone”
“What the hell just happened? Did she just hang up on me?”
Ben leaves, with his phone. Nkt!
“Yes girl she did, because you let people do what they wanna do, that’s you Doreen.” Rose says.
Clare: “True girl, on this you scored zero.”
Jacqiy: “Doreen, needs prayers, I could have cut off her ass”
Marble: “Okay okay okay ladies, relax….. Doreen had to do what she had to do, but……”
Rose: “But what? “
Marble: “But…. nothing! Either way we need to talk some sense into this Makodofia”
“Ladies, I have a suggestion, I have her number, we will track her down. Mmmmh I have a plan ladies”
Rose: “Spill the tea woman”
“I will track her house, walk there with my head high then boom I will ask her, “Is your child my husband’s?”
Marble: “What? No no no, you guys might end up in a fight and she will sue you for trespass”
Jacqiy: “Marble is right”
Clare: “Doreen, I think you should involve the elders in this, that is if you are sure the child is Ben’s”
Rose: “Sure girl, call his mum and let her come over as soon as possible, this is beyond us now.”
We agree to burst the bubble, tell his whole village that he was having an affair and I am here, pregnant for his third child, who does that? Atajua hajui. Now the ladies have to go back to their houses, I bid them goodnight and they leave.
I go to my bedroom and starts to pack my bags, I make alot of noise but Ben is still asleep, I don’t know if he is pretending or what! i try to bang the wardrobe, but he is still a sleep. I try to throw some clothes on him. The boy wakes up, goes to the bathroom and comes back and sleeps as though nothing happened. Ever tried to pack your clothes to scare hubby but he doesn’t beg you to stay? It irritates, right? Anyway, i finish packing then leave the bags in my bedroom.
I walk to my daughter’s bedroom, move her to the far end of the bed, and I lie next to her. The night is long, I am full of thoughts, asking God why He let Satan take over my beautiful home. I massage my tummy slowly as I look at my daughter’s beautiful face as she sleeps. I switch off the lights and try to catch some sleep.
It’s morning, I am woken up by a tap on my shoulders…
“Mom, mom, you slept here?”
Trying to figure out where I am because I am not used to too much pink in my room.
“What? I did??”
“Yes, you did, on my bed”
“Oooh I forgot, I came here you were having nightmares so I had to sleep with you baby”
“No, Dela, I am serious, you screamed out ‘Mummy, there is a gorilla in my room. Mom please come help me, Moooooom’ and I ran so fast to rescue you my little munchkin”
Dela gives me that ‘You are lying’ look, okay I am embarrassed, really.
She goes to the bathroom, and comes back after few minutes in a shower.
She again gives me that “Please excuse me” look, this girl loves her privacy. You would think I bought her from the supermarket and I have never seen her nakedness. Hata hakajamea tumatiti but she hides from me when dressing. In my heart I want to remind her that this is my house, my husband built for me… But Anyway, I leave.
I enter my son’s bedroom to wake him up to prepare for school. Myra is in the kitchen preparing breakfast.
“Darren, its morning baby boy,waky waky”
Boy wakes up, hugs me so tight and says “Good morning My Mommy”
“Good morning too my baby boy, come down, Myra comes in to help. I leave. To where? My bedroom of course. Here, Mr. Man is still asleep, fully dressed like he was yesterday, he is getting late for work, I haven’t prepared his suit, I haven’t selected and brushed his shoes. Should I wake him up and prepare his breakfast as I always do? This man must be really praying because the angels just landed and requested me to be a wife, again!
I pull the pillow he was sleeping on, he wakes up with “Babe what are you doing?”
“it is 6:30am, are you not going to work?”
“What? 6:30? Oh I am late, why didn’t you wake me up?”
“Like I am your alarm huh?”
He stands, removes his clothes, I mean everything, he is standing there looking at me as though he wants to grab me….slowly, the man I have hated for hours and even called him ugly is turning into a very handsome man that I walked down the isle with. Ooooh Noo. Doreen you are getting weak again, No, shetani ashindwe. My ovaries start to twerk, I am excited, he awakens the little girl in me, I am on the moon, I am that weak, right? I mean this is my man, the father to my children, I have been with him for so many years, there is that connection that can never be broken. Again I am pregnant, so my blood is hot, kwanza 1st trimester, I need him like yesterday. He comes closer, touches my hair, holds my hand, pulls me closer to him, I can’t resist guys, this is my Man. I move closer, hugs him tight, he unhooks my bra, I feel his not-so-soft hands all over my body, its electrical you know, kisses on my neck as he goes down on me, is this what people call cloud nine? Oooh boy, this is exactly what I wanted.
We all fall apart like some two sacks of maize.
“Ooh My God, I love you boy” (sigh)
“I love you too baby girl”
“Huh, it’s 7am honey, you will be caught in the traffic”
“Hehehe I know, but my wife comes first” (sigh)…. Anyway,Let me shower”
He walks to the bathroom. I wear my dera quickly and start ironing his shirt, I am all smiley, I brush his shoes quickly, he is done with showering, he comes back, puts on clothes as I run to the kitchen to get him a cup of tea, 6 slices bread and 2 eggs. In the corridors I meet my kids done with preparation, I kiss them goodbye as they head to the gate to wait for their school bus with Myra.
I am back in the bedroom with a tray holding his breakfast, I find my husband ready, he takes his breakfast as I am lying on our bed wondering what I am gonna do because truth be told I love this man, so much and I never want to be away from him, he looks at me with a smile, he is so damn handsome, with a nice body. He is done with breakfast, holds my hand and says…
“I am gonna miss you the whole day, maybe we can meet at lunch hour”
“Not so fast Ben, I am still hurt”
“I am sorry Love to have put you through all this, I will make it up to you, I promise”
“Does this mean its true that girl was in your life and her kid is yours”
“No, I didn’t say that, let’s have a lunch date, I will tell you everything”
“Okay fine, I will be there, today I am working half day because I have an appointment with Doctor Walela regarding my headache”
“What? You are sick? And you didn’t care to tell me?”
“No, am not sick, it is just because I cried too much yesterday and I took too much alcohol, I have to ensure that the baby I am carrying is not affected”
“Again, I am sorry! I will see you at lunch hour, Love you”
“Love you too”
Kisses me so deeply, and then leaves.
I am here, alone….. What a beautiful morning, what just happened? Is this what women call “being Dickmatized well well?” You even forget he hurt you. This man is smart, and he knows my weakness. The hell.
After seeing Dr. Walela, I am good, baby is doing just fine. I call hubby, then I proceed to his office in Upper-hill which is not far from Dr. Walela’s Clinic. It is actually a walking distance. I find him standing next to his car, twisting his lips as though he wants to bite me, I walk straight into his arms, he literally covers me in his arms as I lean on his wide chest. I feel like the luckiest woman in the whole world.
“Hey Ben, I can see you guys are having fun” says a lady from nowhere
“What are you doing here?” Ben asks her
“Seems you forgot I have an office on this building huh?”
“Excuse me miss, do I know you?” I interrupt
“No you don’t, but your beloved husband knows me”
“Ooh Okay, mind telling me your?”
“Theresa, Theresa is my name, nice meeting you, Ma’am”
She stretches her hand to reach mine, I am reluctant but I shake her hand anyway.
“Mmmh…. uh, mmh aah…. nice to meet you too, Theresa.”
My mind races, could Theresa be the T in “TRM”??? Hold on Doreen, relax…..
Ben is restless, scratching his head, when he does this, I know that something is wrong somewhere.
“How do you know Ben?” I ask.
“We work in the same building and………….”
“Stop it Rose, just stop this nonsense”
Rose?????? TRM? Theresa? Rose? My dad really took me to school and I am not stupid, this must be the bitch that is breaking my home.
“Ooh you are Theresa Rose?” I turn to hubby, “ Honey, is she the one?”
“Yes, I am the one”
“You really have the nerve to talk to me like I was your peer? Baby girl, do you really know I am? Do you?”
“I do” (she answers with her red lips sneering.
“Rose, I am not ready for your drama, just leave” says Ben
“Ooh now you are asking me to leave huh? I am the bad one here”
“I said Leave, and don’t talk back at me”
By now I am just listening, my hands shaking, roho inadunda almost inatoka nje. I keep my cool anyway because of the respect I have for my husband. See, I always make noise when in the house, but outside, I have to let him keep the crown.
“When you were in my bed, you never asked to stop talking back to you.”
Ooh God, is she nuts? Who does that? This woman is crazy……. By now we are attracting the crowd, it’s lunch time you know. She starts to shout at my hubby, calling him names, all sorts of names, I am actually enjoying this game, I rush to whatsapp group to update my girls “Ladies, nyoka ametoka pangoni, I finally met the idiot”
Like they were just waiting for the heads up…. I give them the ‘tea’ step by step of the happenings. Madam TRM throwing words at my husband who keeps asking me to get in the car, I refuse. “You made this bed honey, just lie on it.” I tell him.
“This is the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. I have to fix this, but not now, and not here, we have to leave babe, my bosses will be out soon.”
Hearing about the bosses, I accept because this job feeds my family. I enter the car and we drive off leaving TRM running towards our car. From the side mirror I can see her removing her cheap shoes and throwing them at us, her handbag is already on the flow with fake make up from River Road, as her friends or is it colleagues try to hold her. Girl is throwing her legs in the air. How embarrassing? Hubby is silent, clearly we are at 120KM/H, on a two way traffic road, from Serena Hotel to St. Pauls Catholic Church.
We are in the car heading to town, he is not saying anything but scratching his head and focusing the eye on the road. We are at the University of Nairobi roundabout, when I receive a call from his mum.
Me: “Hello Mum”
“Hello my daughter, how are you and the family?”
“We are doing fine Ma, you?”
“I am good too, I have sent somethings for you at North Rift Shuttle please go and get it in the evening”
“Wow, Mum tunashukuru sana, that is so nice of you, we appreciate a lot, please send the details I will have them picked in the evening”
“Okay, greet my grand-babies and my son. I am praying for your family and we miss you so much”
“I will Ma, I will pass your regards, bless you Ma”
I am done talking to Mama, I turn to Hubby…..
“Mum says Hi and she has sent some mzigo from upcountry”
“Ben, are you serious right now?”
“Look, my head is not working, so please don’t start”
I give him that look, Is he serious??? Anyway we are approaching home but I request him to take me to Two Rivers, he refuses, so we proceed for home. We are at home, I alight, straight to my bedroom. He comes, gets into the shower, comes back. Puts on his T-shirt and a short then joins me in bed.
“You know what Doreen, I have made many mistakes but this one is the biggest, I never knew it would come to this, I never knew I was dealing with a psycho, but now I see the light. You see…..”
“Are you the father of her child?” I interrupt
“NO, I AM NOT!
“Yes, and I can confirm to you”
“I know her baby daddy”
“Mhh, interesting, spill it”
“It is Mike, my friend from college”
“Wee we we wait, Which Mike? Mike Kyalo?”
“You got it”
“Theresa used me to get back at Mike, I knew it when it was already late”
“What the Eff! Go on…”
“She came to the office and requested the receptionist to see me, she said she was looking for a job since she was a single mother and was not receiving the child support from her baby daddy, she never told me who her baby daddy was though. I had to secure a place for her, in her current office, same building as mine. From there we kept the friendship, started going for lunch together and in December we went for a Road trip, you remember I told you?”
“Yeah, we went for hiking, when everybody was ahead climbing the mountain we were left behind and she hit her leg on a stone, she started bleeding, while attending to her, she looked in my eyes straight and kissed me”
My heart skips. I don’t know if I should believe him or not. Anyway I let it slide.
“…and you responded to the kiss?”
“The devil babe the devil….”
Why do men like involving the devil in their shenanigans? I really don’t understand how a woman can force a man to kiss her then few days later he is in her Ben groaning like a pregnant hippo.
“Babe, please leave the devil out of this, how now?”
“I don’t know how I fell for her charms. It just happened but I swear I met her when her son was a year old. But, honestly babe, I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY.”
At least I am relieved that he has not planted some seed out there, although in western we always wait till a man dies for you to know how many kids he has out there, for now, Ben is a father of 2 babies, Delance and Darren and one unborn. I am calm, I remember how my mum used to tell me that marriage is not a bed of roses and I have to “Vumilia” to keep my home. But then I broke the rule of “don’t touch your husband’s phone because whatever you are looking for, you will find it there.” At least I knew here was thorn in my marriage and the thorn removed itself. A psycho she is.
I forgive my husband then start unpacking the bags. We made love, some real good love, nothing beats makeup sex, for sure it is made in heaven. We slept.
Woke up at around 6pm, together with our children, we went to town to pick what my Mother-In-Love had sent. Potatoes, bananas, onions, kienyeji vegies, mangoes, sugarcane, dried chicken, ovacados etc.
I leave to remember this day, and we lived happily ever after.