Wamama Wa plot

“Wamama wa Plot”

I went to my local supermarket, got in and totally forgot what I had gone to buy, who is me? So I walk around looking at random stuff, trying to remember what I really needed, looking at the studded condoms and thinking, ‘is it too late now to say sorry?’ Is it cheese that I wanted or plastic mugs, multi colored mugs? Then I see one of my Oga friends, it’s been a minute since we saw each other and in shock he goes like, “aaaa now, when did you get belle or belly?” He asks loudly and I have to match his zeal, so I respond loudly, “since that day I had sex.” There’s a mama picking milk, she looks like she is in the mothers guild, church choir, Sunday school, scouts, pathfinder and all the church committees. She looks at me in disgust and I can already imagine her narrating to her fellow chama members how she saw this disrespectful girl in the supermarket, I can see the other women turning their noses up in disgust as they clap their hands on their heavy thighs with award winning exclamations, some of them will say how this generation is a cursed one, and they will cover their mouths in shame, feeling sorry for the one who had to go through the ordeal of hearing the word ‘sex’ in public. They will pray for her, lay hands on her head and chant things that will put legio marias to shame. They will sweat as they lift their heavy thighs, sorry, hands in serious deliverance prayers, after forever they will declare her ‘healed, her ears have been sanctified and the anointing oil she is to apply generously every time she steps out will block such obnoxious words from reaching her now holy ears. Then they will surround the table and devour the food that was prepared for them, food that can feed the whole of Kenya and Tanzania for a week as they gossip about mama nani and baba nani. They will laugh at nani and her daughter and say how she is spoilt because different cars drops her home every evening, maybe it’s uber or Taxify or little cab but no! It has to be different men. They will even have details of the supposed men and how elderly they are. They vow to keep their faithful husbands from this shameless girl. Then they will down the food with torrents of tea before leaving for their homes. At night, the mama will turn to baba nani and tell him, “si tufanye leo.” I still don’t know what I wanted from the supermarket but I got the packet of condoms just in case.


Diana Mosoba

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